its almos just left with 24 hours to 2010. Sigh, what can i say about this? Can i say that I'm happy? Can I say that 'bad' times finally gonna pass? No. Obviously that will be lying to myself no?

Right, i can still recall about last year's Xmas and New year celebration so clearly. Dint expect time to fly pass this time round. Which is a totally different feelings and emotions having to go through. It really sucks to the core please.

And just something to share. I had another dream just now while i was napping from 8-11. Yeah as probably you guys expected i dream of her. Sigh, it felt so real, finally "some sort of reconciliation" or what. I get to hug her OMG. i was like totally OMG and was crying so badly in my dreams, which somehow ended up making me cry while sleeping. That was how i woke up ~_~. Sigh..

Pathetic me? Sad well i guess I'm heavily dependent on people. Nothing much for me to say.

Right so during countdown I'll be heading over to the park there. Maybe some of you know where it is maybe not. Well whatever. If you wanna find me feel free that is if only you can find me. I'll be in one of the three parks. No idea sad enough but true enough i dont really wanna spend it with others rather then her :S. Yeah so.. Wondering where sengkang parks are? ask around :).

Im saying it here because well, even if you guys managed to read this it doesnt make any difference cuz it will be WAY over New year already. so its probably just a "watever la you wanna do this to yourself your prob". Right ?

Alright thats all for today. Probably will update after the countdown or what. Let me hope that there isnt much ppl there tml.

Thats all ppl. Nites!

~For the one and only gal~

There's so much so much on my mind. At times i really felt like breaking down? Seriously speaking i dont wanna show this side of me to others, other then the only one ;].

For this holiday, practically considered as not a holiday at all?

Week beginning on 7th of dec, had my mid-sem tests. Totally sucked totally buang. only module im confident in scoring is calculas. apart from that rest is as good as FAIL!

Finally tests were over on friday. So for the days beginning from 11th of dec, im practically packed with projects, projects and more projects.

As some of you knew, i was working on a gift for her. Yeah so practically it was kind of a rushed work. I stayed up nights after nights, folding hearts after hearts till my right thumb hurts from flattening the straws. Due to mornings and afternoons spent in school doing project, i barely had time to make any except in the night. It was really tiring, but i loved it. I actually enjoyed doing it. Probably because it was for her?

One pack of straws i can make about 80+ hearts, which took me like 2-3hours sitting right infront of my computer, listening to the same song folding and folding non-stop. Nights after nights yeah i did the same thing over and over again. From 13th - 17th of dec on average i barely slept 3-4 hours per day. well worth it anyway. *despite knowing the results is still the same*

finally one project was OVER, but i still continued my routine yadayadayada. From point to point i took about 1hr30 mins just to cut out the dangling straws away from my hearts.

i somewhat really lost track of time from staying up so late at night and such.

Originally planned to pass her the gift on 24th of dec, but somehow edmond got to know that shes not free, fine change to 23th *special day* yet not free as well. Thats when i thought i was really running OUT OF TIME. At that point of time it was on a sunday, i barely made 800+ hearts. hearing that shes NOT gonna be at home etc etc... Eventually edmond and me went over on the 22th of dec.

knowing that im running out of time, i rushed from sunday - monday - tuesday morning am+. I chionged i rushed~~~~ Finally am able to finish it just on time. i Took my time to cut, think of the colour arrangement etc etc. finally i double checked to make sure that theres 1314 hearts in it. Well roughly 3-4 times of counting. Its real tiring considering im damn tired.

right so on tuesday aternoon, went shopping to get my wrapping paper. I couldnt find any suitable ones. Saw some nice ones, but its not suitable for our relationship, so ended up i got smiley faces wrapping paper. so yeah i went home it was around like 4 when i reached. slowly slowly, i took my own sweet time to settle some things for 30 mins and spent another 30 mins to wrap it.

*anyway IM SORRY about the wrapping. I know it sucks, the quality of work is not there. I tried but i just cant seem to wrap it up nicely. Pardon me. [that is if you will ever read this lol]*

Yeah supposedly there SHOULD be additional presents inside. but due to certain circumstances. I dint managed to put in. Im really disappointed, i even wanted to cry at that point of time. DAMN seriously damn.

Right so i wrote something, dun know if she got open it up and look. well embarrassing lines. but wadeva. you guys need not know.

so finally i was done with everything wrapping packing etc etc. it was 5pm. i could feel that my body was REAL heavy. so i took a nap till 7. met up with mond-chan at 9 headed over there, walked to her house. as i expected shes not in. Probably working OT at some restaurants or what? judging from the details i read on her FB.

just makes me wonder where issit how late issit how does she go home. sigh. So many questions without answers. Im in no position to ask nor worry. oh well, as usual left it outside and went home.

was really worried that someone might take it away. but lucky no one did. oh well... she sent me a sms. Stating "why are you wasting effort on me?". I dint wanna reply. I dont wanna reply. my mind at that period was blank totally. i dint wanna think of anything.

So i posted on fb and my msn told myself : "Do you need a reason to love someone? Do you need a reason to give it your all and spend your efforts?" sigh. I told her you know it, the answer. I dont have to say it. But if she wans to deny it or etc i can do nothing.

finally the only day i could rest was wednesday, yes FINALLY! but at the same time i felt kind of empty. no idea why. Just to think, *sigh christmas follow by new year cant celebrate with her* somewhere it hurts, so much. Im not strong to withstand all these loneliness. lol.

Oh well then following up thursday, yesterday. headed over to sch for project again...

oh well, after that got myself a sec-1 hairstyle. Please dont laugh if you see me lol.

Im trying to break down certain walls i had put up ard me ever since in primary school. It was really kind of an unpleasant memories. But i cant blame on it, for me being so useless. sigh.

I miss you gal. 1314<3

-BC-

P.S. anyway theres the FINAL product i finished. nice? ugly? pointless? well keep it to yourself. Ill post afew more pictures when i upload them into my comp, how messy my table was. haha.. thats all ppl.